The overbearing thought that comes to mind time and time again is that I am a carbon copy of Mom and I can relate all my faults and my weaknesses to genes from the Mom’s side but this isn’t about cringing, cribbing and whining about my frailties. This is about how age has caught up with my soul and in no way am I going the Eminem route by criticizing the family to further reach out to a larger audience. Just a matter of fact perspective on how it has turned out.
This started out approximately 15 years back. My parents were successful individuals in their own right doing well for themselves in different private sector banks as managers. Then Mom was diagnosed with Tuberculosis and it was debilitating but something that was brought under control and removed in due course. But the rut had started. Mom started suffering from a peculiar problem where she felt that her legs were giving way and she might fall down any second. I always equated it with fatigue and exhaustion probably because she was not able to handle or balance the professional and personal front which was taking its toll. Suffering is one thing but to leave no stone un-turned and blame it on all and sundry about the problems because of dad was uncalled for. Whether it was friends, colleagues, neighbors or relatives everyone knew that it was because of dad that mom was suffering As a layman, I was never in agreement because every time there is an ailment or health issue it is easy to find excuses. Went for every test in Allopathy under the sun to find the root cause but all the parameters were normal. Mom even tried Unani as an alternative medicine but to no avail. She is very active mentally as far as watching TV, participating in social media such as WhatsApp or Facebook even partaking in online shopping on a regular basis but she seldom makes the effort to walk unless it is to the toilet. With all due respect Ma. Every family goes through its share of trials and tribulations and that is what makes the journey special but the frustration stems from the helplessness that I harbor because I cannot contribute in any way to improve her health. For me it is all about giving my parents the space that they need without any interference because they have earned it. Till today I suffer because of their differences between them. They have ceased to be a couple not just by living apart but using the most filthy language even when they do talk. Growing up, I was always inspired by Nirvana front man, Kurt Cobain, who wrote in his suicide note:-“It is better to burn out than to fade away” which I had put up on my almirah.
Ps- In loving memory of Chris Bennington.